Breaking Through

The one lesson God has been trying to teach Joel and I over the past 6 years is the importance of having an emergency savings. There was money we could have saved at times, which we didn't, and as soon as financial disaster struck, we were pretty much ruined. You would think after the first few times it would motivate us to save. You would be wrong. It has taken us almost 6 years to finally say enough is enough. And we are saving. Pinching. Working. Sacraficing. Its not easy. But its worth it. Our goal for October is to have 1000 dollars saved. The goal for February is to have at least 3000 before we get our tax return. I guess we'll see how it goes, but if we don't have the money saved, we aren't going to be able to find a new home to live in. I guess that's a big motivator as well.

And what I mean by "better" is the things you know you are capable of doing, but just aren't for whatever reason?

Do you ever just want to do better?

Lately

I've been slacking. I need time to decompress (I almost typed decompose...now how's that for being tired?) I want so badly to just be able to get my feelings out and not feel like I don't have time. Because I do. Have time, that is. Except when I have free time, all I want to do is turn on the xbox and play a game. I want to relax and not think about the fact that my huband, 3 children and I are now living with my father. That one tiny miscommunication with Army pay back in May has snowballed into a financial disaster. All because we didn't have an emergency savings. The one lesson we always go back to...we've hit this brick wall multiple times and for some reason we have not confronted the issue. So now, there's no way around it: we HAVE to save.
My husband has taken over the very strict budget, which is a relief, because I'm just not very good at discerning whats a neccessity and what i just want. Well, I know the difference, I just give in. So we are putting everything extra above 14o dollars a week into our savings to build it up. The 140 is for gas and groceries. Including diapers and whatnot. For a family of 5. And an 18 year old brother who is also living in this house who likes to eat all our food and drink my diet coke. My only source of caffeine.
Can you tell I'm on edge? I'm really trying to lay my frustrations at the foot of the cross...I mean, in light of God and His purpose for us as a family, and in light of Jesus and all He has done for us, and in light of the fact that God has ALWAYS provided for our basic needs...In light of all that, can I really complain about no diet coke? (honestly, I still do...)
I guess I'm just trying to remember what I am on this earth for...to be a daughter of the King, to be a wife who serves and loves faithfully, to be a leader to my kids...to point my family to Christ. I just want to love them and be there for them, not just physically but spiritually and emotionally. I want to be present. I want to live in the here and now...not the "a year from now things will be so much better..."

Guess this is just whats on my heart today, Jesus. Make me yours.