Thursday, April 29, 2010

Lacy Tickle, Pat, Rock, Scratch and Rub...

I'm forgetting what it means to be a Mom. I am losing myself in layers of dirty laundry and dishes. I've been struggling with Depression, which may or may not be a result of a hormonal imbalance. I'm irritable, tired, weepy and just over all..blah. It came on suddenly, and it will pass. But in the meantime I'm feeling horrible. Stressed and Junk. Money is tight, we are behind...so quickly it happens...Joel is sick for a few days, has to take time off for Drill as well and all of a sudden we are behind...

Emma is sitting in Micah's crib right now, after waking him up early from his nap. She is singing to him. When Emma was little, probably around 2, we started doing this thing for her at bedtime. It started as "Lacy Tickle" (which is named after my very best friend who used to lightly scratch my back while we talked about anything and everything) So we started with that, and over time Emma added more to the routine. Patting her back, then rocking her, then scratching her back and then Rubbing her back. She used to request it all the time, you couldn't but her to bed without doing it at night. So Emma just said to me, that since she doesn't need it anymore, she's going to do it Micah all the time.

I'm missing so much. I just want to be a good Mom. I'm so overwhelmed I can't remember and enjoy the little things my kids are doing every day, living their life.

4 comments:

Stacey said...

Girl, I can remember those same EXACT feelings when my kids were all really little. They aren't much bigger now, but something miraculous happened when my youngest turned five and it's been so much better since! So hang in there! Having little ones is a tough job and extremely overwhelming. In the meantime, make sure you are eating "good fats" in your diet. Oils from things like Olive Oil, Salmon (or other fish), flaxseeds or walnuts. this will help you with your feeling "blue." It takes some time to get in your system, but it does work! I recommend eating a handful of walnuts every day. Then you'll have all the omega 3 good fats that you'll need for the day.

(((HUGS)))

Cherie said...

Oh sweetie, Everything is going to be ok. If you are really feeling depressed please get to that doc and get some meds. They dont cure it but they sure do help. You know what I have been going through the last 3 months. I dont know why I waited so long. You have just gone through so much and need a chance to breathe and catch up. Hugs to you sweet friend...big HUGE HUGS!

Lacy said...

Liz, I'm so sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. I wish I could help. Do you think you and Joel could get away for a weekend to re-group? What if your Mom took the kids for the weekend and you and Joel stay home alone if you can't afford a hotel. I will be praying for you! I love you!! And, we are going to be working on getting you here for a weekend and I will pamper you!!

Elizabeth said...

Thanks girls :) Lacy, Joel and I have talked about trying to get away. At the moment, its not possible..Carol's mom just passed (Joel's grandmother, she was 92) and also its too much to ask her to take the 3 kids. We are trying to get away as soon as we can, but its just one of those things, Sadly.

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That is where God met me. He kept repeating the word 'Undone' to me....kept repeating the phrase "She's come Undone". And then it hit me like a wave, the tears flowed. I realized all that I have been trying to accomplish within my life, my marriage, my home, my parenting...it is all being done in MY own strength. God is calling me, telling me to become Undone before Him. To let Him do the work in and through me. To rely on HIS strength to accomplish all the great things He has for my life, and to be the Woman of God, the wife, the mother, the friend, the daughter, the teacher that He is calling me to be. With that, I am becoming Undone before God. I am letting go of the old mindsets that I have been setting for myself. I'm letting go.