Thursday, April 1, 2010

Rest

I have been tired. So tired. And that is directly affecting my ability to be myself. It seems to me, on the nights when I have the most time to sleep, I get woken up multiple times by children. On the nights where I stay up too late, The kids sleep soundly through the night. Why is that?

Yesterday I woke up after not having good sleep. I was immediately overwhelmed by the thought of being a mom yesterday. I was so tired. My thoughts were immediately negative and bitter. "Why this...If only that..." As I walked through my house and saw all the things I needed to do I became so overwhelmed that I literally went back to hide under the covers. It was there that I worked through a depressive state, and really cried out to God to give me strength. I texted my husband and told him my current mental/emotional/spiritual state and he said that he was praying for me. With the baby taking a nap and the girls occupied by a movie, I laid there and I literally felt a spiritual battle taking place while I just kind of rested. I wasn't fully asleep (As another mom knows that no one can fully fall asleep when there are children not tucked soundly in their beds) but I was in a restful state.

After that, I got out of bed and walked through my house again. I started a load of laundry, did half the dishes, and picked up the living room. I proceeded to vacuum and then just spend naptime doing whatever I wanted.

I've been off with eating and excersize, but as I explained my day yesterday to a very dear friend of mine, she said, "Liz, you will not be perfect all the time...but you will be victrious. Yesterday, you were victorious in overcoming that depression."
That is the key. Don't give up being victorious. I also felt the tides turn yesterday when I caught a vision for my house. I have been wanting to buy a few bakers racks to use for storing things, and since we were going to be able to do that yesterday night, I started focusing on preparing the places they were going to go. Once I had a vision for my day, it was easier to tackle the mess.

This is me being real.

3 comments:

Stacey said...

Boy do I remember those very days! And sometimes I'm still there. :)

Lacy said...

I'm so proud of you Liz! And, so thankful for example to help me in the future! I truly believe you would write an amazing book to mothers. Just an idea here: A daily journal/devotional/encouragement for mothers of young children. We need to talk again soon!

Aiden Claire said...

@Stacey, it's so nice knowing I'm not alone!

@Lacy, Yes we need to talk!! I'm keeping this blog as kind of a place for my thoughts so if God wants me to write in the future, I have a place where I can start from.

Who I Am

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That is where God met me. He kept repeating the word 'Undone' to me....kept repeating the phrase "She's come Undone". And then it hit me like a wave, the tears flowed. I realized all that I have been trying to accomplish within my life, my marriage, my home, my parenting...it is all being done in MY own strength. God is calling me, telling me to become Undone before Him. To let Him do the work in and through me. To rely on HIS strength to accomplish all the great things He has for my life, and to be the Woman of God, the wife, the mother, the friend, the daughter, the teacher that He is calling me to be. With that, I am becoming Undone before God. I am letting go of the old mindsets that I have been setting for myself. I'm letting go.