I am defensive. It is a habit that I learned as a child growing up because of feeling as though I was never good enough. I won't go into those details, but I have realized that to this day, I still can get very defensive and have a bit of a temper. I notice it most when I am perhaps lacking in some very obvious areas, *cough* cleaning *cough*....and I know this and am feeling as though the entire world is stacked against me. And then something very small happens to set off an argument that shouldn't be an argument but because my husband and I don't argue about very serious things (we tend to have more discussions) we always find something so minute to argue over. Like this:
Husband is looking through medicine baskets for a sudafed. He places his vitamin on the shelf while he is looking. He then proceeds to ask me where the sudafed are. I come over, grab a basket down and start rifiling through it, in the process knocking the vitamin off the shelf and onto the floor under the toilet. I immediately put up the defensive walls thinking husband is going to discuss with me the need to be aware of my surroundings. I tell him that He should not have left a vitamin there. He then proceeds to discuss with me the need to be aware of my surroundings. A 10 minute conversation follows about the importance of being aware of ones surroundings and the act of having grace for ones shortcomings. At this point I am in the shower, and of course, what husband is trying to say was that He was not going to say anything at all, that it was no big deal for the vitamin to fall on the ground until I of course through up the defense and opened the can of worms. A few moments later, as I am contemplating my defensiveness...and searching my heart for root problems such as the fact that my house is trashed and I probably could be doing slightly more to make it untrashed, Husband cracks a joke that sends me into a fit of giggles. There it is. The peacemaker: Laughter. My husband, who loves me in spite of all my shortcomings and cluttered nature, who constantly supports me and tries to understand me, who loves for me to take time to play games with him instead of doing the dishes after dinner...this is the man God made for me. He is my soulmate, my perfect match. Notice I did not say he was perfect, but was indeed made perfectly for me. I love him. And all that I do for our home is because I want to show this man how much I love him and our children. Of course its a battle everyday...but the love is still there.
How many times are arguments really the result of circumstances, or are they really a direct result of some deeper issues going on in our hearts?