Saturday, January 22, 2011


I can't put into words what I am feeling. After just having a 10 days with Joel gone for training, I know what it feels like to do this on my own. And the memory of it hurts. Most days I am crying out inside of my head, "I can't do this anymore!!!" I know I must, but its so hard. Some days I'm just so tired, and I look around at the kids and the house and I feel like I can't keep up. Overwhelmed.

Then I read the news about a victim of a shooting who is starting her road to recovery. Having survived a gun shot wound to the head, she is fighting for everything. And I want to give up after some days...I feel so muttled. I want to fight with that same intensity for a life filled with Joy. I want to see what is before me through clear eyes...Not as if I'm looking at my life through a fingerprint smeared window. I want to taste and see that the Lord is Good. Oh, the JOYS of those who take refuge in Him! (psalm 34:8, NLT)

Refuge. This is the year of the Refuge. A woman who inspired me talks of naming each new year. I am inspired. And in this taking Refuge, there I will find my Joy.

Psalm 91, NLT

1Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
3For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
4He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
7Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
8Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.
9If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
10no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
11For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
12They will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
13You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
14The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
15When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
16I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”


Cherie said...

I am so happy you are gaining a house. Since I have walked with you during your moves let me suggest that I understand you have moved a lot. This time though, you are not moving due to emotional duress. I am cetain the enemy would like for you to have some connection to moving. I know that you are not well and this seems large. I know that you think you cant but you can. I will walk through this with you. You have my prayers and you and I both know that prayer is stronger than someone walking through the door to help you. Although I would enjoy the news that people have come to help. I love you so much and I KNOW you CAN do this.

Lacy said...

love this! Jeremy does the same thing each year! hope to talk tomorrow since I missed your call today.

Niki said...

This Psalm is so comforting isn't it!? My Dad worked long haul truck driving when I was a little girl and my Mom, being on her own a lot, repeated this chapter every night before going to sleep. It got her through a time of anxiety attacks. God's Word is amazing. :)

Who I Am

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That is where God met me. He kept repeating the word 'Undone' to me....kept repeating the phrase "She's come Undone". And then it hit me like a wave, the tears flowed. I realized all that I have been trying to accomplish within my life, my marriage, my home, my is all being done in MY own strength. God is calling me, telling me to become Undone before Him. To let Him do the work in and through me. To rely on HIS strength to accomplish all the great things He has for my life, and to be the Woman of God, the wife, the mother, the friend, the daughter, the teacher that He is calling me to be. With that, I am becoming Undone before God. I am letting go of the old mindsets that I have been setting for myself. I'm letting go.