I've been slacking. I need time to decompress (I almost typed decompose...now how's that for being tired?) I want so badly to just be able to get my feelings out and not feel like I don't have time. Because I do. Have time, that is. Except when I have free time, all I want to do is turn on the xbox and play a game. I want to relax and not think about the fact that my huband, 3 children and I are now living with my father. That one tiny miscommunication with Army pay back in May has snowballed into a financial disaster. All because we didn't have an emergency savings. The one lesson we always go back to...we've hit this brick wall multiple times and for some reason we have not confronted the issue. So now, there's no way around it: we HAVE to save.
My husband has taken over the very strict budget, which is a relief, because I'm just not very good at discerning whats a neccessity and what i just want. Well, I know the difference, I just give in. So we are putting everything extra above 14o dollars a week into our savings to build it up. The 140 is for gas and groceries. Including diapers and whatnot. For a family of 5. And an 18 year old brother who is also living in this house who likes to eat all our food and drink my diet coke. My only source of caffeine.
Can you tell I'm on edge? I'm really trying to lay my frustrations at the foot of the cross...I mean, in light of God and His purpose for us as a family, and in light of Jesus and all He has done for us, and in light of the fact that God has ALWAYS provided for our basic needs...In light of all that, can I really complain about no diet coke? (honestly, I still do...)
I guess I'm just trying to remember what I am on this earth for...to be a daughter of the King, to be a wife who serves and loves faithfully, to be a leader to my kids...to point my family to Christ. I just want to love them and be there for them, not just physically but spiritually and emotionally. I want to be present. I want to live in the here and now...not the "a year from now things will be so much better..."
Guess this is just whats on my heart today, Jesus. Make me yours.
Who I Am
- Connecticut, United States
- That is where God met me. He kept repeating the word 'Undone' to me....kept repeating the phrase "She's come Undone". And then it hit me like a wave, the tears flowed. I realized all that I have been trying to accomplish within my life, my marriage, my home, my parenting...it is all being done in MY own strength. God is calling me, telling me to become Undone before Him. To let Him do the work in and through me. To rely on HIS strength to accomplish all the great things He has for my life, and to be the Woman of God, the wife, the mother, the friend, the daughter, the teacher that He is calling me to be. With that, I am becoming Undone before God. I am letting go of the old mindsets that I have been setting for myself. I'm letting go.