I've been doing some soul searching. Digging through the past 7 years of my life, trying to find Me again. For those of you who don't know me personally, I am over weight. I've gained about 50 lbs over the past 7 years, and I wasn't a rail before then...I was a healthy size 12. I was in decent shape, enjoyed my body and also enjoyed life. I was Alive. I got out into the world and did things. I tried on clothes at the store. I loved deeply and lived passionately. I breathed in air, but my next breath always depended on God. He was my source....My constant Joy.
I can look back and see where things would slide, in my walk with God and in my habits. A little more here (on my plate)...a little less here (time in Gods word). I have been broken, humbled, built up, torn down, hopeful and devastated at seemingly the same times. God is taking me on a Journey on this earth....but where I am at now is not where I want to be. I know that.
I am starting in my home. I have been 'trying' for the past few years to keep things in order at home. I'm done trying...I am now just DOING!! I am working on myself again...making the change in me to be ME again. 28 weeks to get to where I'm going phsically....down to my healthy size 12. Will I get there in that amount of time? Most likely no. But its my goal. And if I don't reach the Moon, I will land among the stars. I'll be closer to the moon than I would be if I never even tried to jump...
I'm making the choices and changing my routine because I can no longer just give up on myself. I have to do this for myself, for my husband and for my children. I can't put it off any longer, and I want it now more than ever. I'm not choosing to stop living...I'm going to enjoy life again. Enjoy all the sweet pleasures it has to offer....like jogging, hiking, flowers, fresh air, chocolate, laughs, moonlight and romance.
I may write more....or, you may not hear from me for 28 weeks...I guess I will just have to wait and see!
Who I Am
- Connecticut, United States
- That is where God met me. He kept repeating the word 'Undone' to me....kept repeating the phrase "She's come Undone". And then it hit me like a wave, the tears flowed. I realized all that I have been trying to accomplish within my life, my marriage, my home, my parenting...it is all being done in MY own strength. God is calling me, telling me to become Undone before Him. To let Him do the work in and through me. To rely on HIS strength to accomplish all the great things He has for my life, and to be the Woman of God, the wife, the mother, the friend, the daughter, the teacher that He is calling me to be. With that, I am becoming Undone before God. I am letting go of the old mindsets that I have been setting for myself. I'm letting go.