This is the title of a short story written by Frederick Buechner, one of my favorites. In it he tells of a dream he has in which he finds himself in a hotel room that fit him so well and was so amazing and peaceful and wonderful to him. Following a short time (still in the dream) he stays at the same hotel in a room that is not as appealing. He asks the man at the front desk if he could stay in the first room he loved so much, and the man tells him that he can stay there anytime he wants to, that he just has to ask for it by name. The name of the room is Remember. He then discusses the importance of remembering...knowing where you came from, the things God has brought you through. As my pastor spoke yesterday during church...we have to remember the miracles that God has done. Throughout the bible and our own lives. It's one of the ways in which we stir up passion.
For so long, I stopped remembering my year at The Honor Academy. I felt like I was never going to be like that again, and that the reality was that God wanted to do something different in me. I told myself to stop looking backwards and continue to look forwards. I couldn't have been more wrong! Yes, God wants me to look forwards and not look backwards at the mistakes and things I can no longer change. But He LONGS for us to remember the things He did through us and in us!! So we can know and have assurance He will always be there. The things He did in me laid the foundation for my future life as a woman, a wife, a mother and a child of God. He placed passions and desires inside of me...He awakened gifts and talents inside of me that I never realized were there. He humbled me, strengthened me, stretched me and showered me with His love. And He's longing for me to remember that time...to remember that closeness. So I can face each new days challenge and know He will be there with me every step of the way!
As you may have been able to tell, I have been reading through my journals from that time in my life. And there is so much Joy there. I WANT that. I want that Joy back. And my friends, God is giving me that Joy again. Because I am remembering and I am wanting it. And I am digging deeper into Him, into His word. I am spending time at His feet, listening to what He has to say. I don't want to be Martha, always concerned with the preparations...I want to be like Mary and realize that I am in His presence and that is the most amazing place to be.
"Could I do without you? Love stands in my way. Just one Love, Just one Life. Just one You, Just one Me. Just one truth because there's nothing else to see. Just let the truth run wild." (My Journal 10/27/02)
"My lifetime I travel this mountain
Never knowing what lies ahead.
With each step I put my trust in You,
And I follow around each turn and bend.
Sometimes the path seems unfamiliar
and I need others to show me the way.
But back on that narrow path I follow,
knowing that You see the way.
Suddenly, I turn 'round a corner
through bushes, thorns and trees;
I gaze out at your majestic creation
and Gasp at your great love for me.
Sometimes on this journey
I get tired, weary, thirsty and scorched.
But my strength comes from my Redeemer
Your Living Water is my source.
And so I travel this mountain,
still unsure of what's ahead.
But one thing I trust is that My Father knows
that what's lying ahead is my Best."
(Reflection on Pike's Peak, Colorado, 9/7/02)
Who I Am
- Connecticut, United States
- That is where God met me. He kept repeating the word 'Undone' to me....kept repeating the phrase "She's come Undone". And then it hit me like a wave, the tears flowed. I realized all that I have been trying to accomplish within my life, my marriage, my home, my parenting...it is all being done in MY own strength. God is calling me, telling me to become Undone before Him. To let Him do the work in and through me. To rely on HIS strength to accomplish all the great things He has for my life, and to be the Woman of God, the wife, the mother, the friend, the daughter, the teacher that He is calling me to be. With that, I am becoming Undone before God. I am letting go of the old mindsets that I have been setting for myself. I'm letting go.